I Hate: Men

Men have to be the best at everything with no exceptions. Be it the best at sports or licking our own balls we wanna do it better, faster and more efficiently than anyone else. The reason for this is that we crave power and domination. Everything we do in life is done in order to reach the top first, look down on everyone else and scream 'my cock is much bigger than yours'. Now you may be thinking what the downside to this is, well my spunky little unenlightened friend I will tell you. Getting to the top is much easier said than done seeing as we are constantly foiled by our own arch enemy...sex.

Our biggest and most irritating flaw is our inability to go any respectable amount of time without drifting off to a magical, dreamworld where naked beauty's feed us grapes and perform many various acts no matter how inappropriate or demeaning they are. Not that there is anything wrong with daydreaming in such a way, its pretty harmless really, but when it happens every few seconds it just gets in the fucking way!

Let me demo this by telling you a story...

Once uppon a time there were three NAKED WOMEN bears who went for a walk to let their hot SEX porridge cool down. A young lady named MASSIVE BOOBS Goldilocks stumbled across the bears MIDGET PORN home and proceeded to FUCK IT...

This is how the story would be told if I were to insert my thought process into it in real time. Fan-fucking-tastic character trait that is, and ALL (straight) men have it. (Not to say gay men don't think along similar lines...because they do...about cocks) Honest to God why must we think like that? Its just so moronic. It makes everything we try and do that little bit more of a slower process just because we have to stop and think about SEX ever once and a while. I'l bet the creator of all things bright and beautiful had a right old laugh when he installed that one. And whats worse is when we're not getting any we think about it 100% more often, making obtaining it even more difficult and thus starts a vicious downward spiral filled with hollywood sex tapes, water sports and self fellating.

The sex issue and the need to be the best make us nightmares when it comes to relationships. Ok we have a woman on our arm and we've been saying I love you since the first month in the hopes that it cuts the time it takes to arrive at destination sex station, but are we happy...no. We're possessive, jealous and insecure far beyond reasoning. We see a man even catch peripheral sight of 'our girl' and it takes every ounce of testosterone fuelled effort not to smash his fucking face in. The only reason we don' t do this is because 'our girl' has already noticed and is busy hurling abuse at the poor sap in a voice so loud that everyone can hear in order to make him feel like the shit smear on the bottom of the social shoe. The feelings of insecurity inevitably lead men into trying too hard in the relationship and being dumped, then going too far the other way in the following relationship and being dumped. Eventually we will get it right by learning to lie and cheat in order to hide our true feelings and thus create the illusion that we are perfectly happy in the relationship. Something we will probably get dumped for later.

To sum up men are rubbish. Every woman knows this and every man is too busy trying to be the best to admit it.

I am man enough to admit it though because my cock is much bigger than yours.